Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Revising and Editing A : Correcting the text

Did you know Chopin was not only a classical music composer? Indeed, Kate Chopin is an American writer. She wrote the short story “The Story of an Hour” in 1890. In this tale, Mrs. Mallard learns that her husband died in a railroad accident. She is shocked and cries immediately, but then retreats to her room to think. Then, she realizes that she is finally free from her husband’s authority; she can live for her own sake. Her joy is so big that when she gets out of her room, she dies from a heart attack. However, Mr. Mallard wasn’t actually in the railroad accident. He arrives back home and sees his dead wife, which is ironic, since we thought he was the one who died. Kate Chopin uses irony effectively throughout this story. As a matter of fact, this literary technique makes the reader think. It shows that events do not always cause the emotions we expect them to provoke. Irony is also useful in this text to explain one of the main themes, which is feminism.

The short story is ironic in many ways, which puts emphasis in the assertion of truth. First of all, the fact that we think Mr. Mallard is dead and that Mrs. Mallard is alive is ironic, because at the end of the tale it is actually the opposite that is true. This is effective, because it shows how life is peculiarly made; strange events like that happen all the time. Kate Chopin wanted to put emphasis on the oddity and real irony of life. It is also ironic that Mrs. Mallard dies from a heart attack. One could think that since the heart is the organ related to love, Mrs. Mallard died of love grief. In fact, it is the happiness due by the news of his death that killed her. This portrays irony, since she actually didn’t love him. These examples of irony depict that truth is often hidden beneath contradictary emotions.

Irony is also effectively used to show the theme of feminism in “The Story of an Hour”. When Mrs. Mallard, the main character, is blooming with exaltation at the news of her husband’s death, the ironic situation illustrates that her liberation from her husband is more important to her than his death. The reader also believes that Mrs. Mallard will be a free woman, but instead of taking advantage of her situation, she dies of a heart attack. This irony is very effective because it supports the most important theme of the story; women do not have enough rights before men and can’t gain some in any way. The irony confirms this main idea. The theme is also related with the time period in which the short story was written. At that time, women did not have a lot of rights in front of men. Kate Chopin used irony in her short story to denounce women’s conditions. In conclusion, irony used in this story is very effective to make a point about feminism and to make the reader reflect about life’s symbols. These themes are still accurate even though the story was written more than a hundred years ago.

Revising and editing B : Self-evaluation

My purpose in writing the text is ..
To discuss how Mary Chopin uses irony effectively in the short story "The Story of an Hour"

I use this type of introduction: (ex. question)
Presentation of the author and publishing date of the short story. It may be a little dull.

This is a suggestion for improving the introduction or having a more effective one:
I could have used a literary device to introduce my subject. A question like: "Did you know Chopin was not only a classical composer?" would have been more interesting.

In paragraph 1, the thesis statement or the main idea of the text.is ...
This story depicts irony in an effective way.

This is a suggestion for improving the thesis statement or having a more effective one:
Showing examples of how irony is effective in the thesis statement could have been more dynamic.

The topic sentence in -
paragragh 2 is ... the fact that Mr. Mallard is technically dead and Mrs. Mallard is alive is ironic
paragragh 3 is ... Another example of irony is when Mrs. Mallard, the main character, is blooming with exaltation at the news of her husband’s death.

The supporting points (paraphrased) I use in -
paragragh 2 are ... the irony of thinking that Mr. Mallard is dead and Mrs. Mallard is alive when actually, it is the opposite that happens. Also, another supporting point is the irony illustrated by the symbol of the heart.
paragragh 3 are ...It is ironic for Mrs.Mallard to be happy when a loves-one dies. Also, this irony portrays the time period in which the story was written.

I can add more detail in -
paragragh 2 ... I could be clearer in the topic sentence. I could also add detail about the story, and add examples.
paragragh 3 ... I could be more clear with my supporting points.

The transitional words or phrases I use in -
paragragh 2 are ... First of all, because, also, in fact, since.
paragragh 3 are ... Since, because, which is, in conclusion.

The coordinating or subordinating expressions I use in -
paragragh 2 are ... And, and, and.
paragragh 3 are ... But, but.

Here is my suggestion for improving the conclusion
Making more links between the subjects I am talking about.

I could improve the content of the text by ...
Having clearer intentions in my text. For example, I could have a better thesis statement, and much better topic sentences.

I could improve the organization of the text by ...
Having supporting ideas that are more clear. Making more links between my ideas and my thesis.

I could improve the development of the text by ...
Using correct words in the right context, and using correct expressions.

I could improve the sentence style of the text by.. (give three sentences as examples)

I could improve the vocabulary by ... (give five examples)

I could improve the grammar by ... (give five examples)
arrives back home and sees his dead wife

I could improve the spelling by ... (give three-five examples)

What I liked most about my first text is...
I didn't make a lot of grammar, punctuation, vocabulary and spelling mistakes.

What I liked least about my first text is...
Now that I read it once again, I realize that it is not coherent at all. There is no clear thesis, so nothing is really clear.