Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Revising and editing B : Self-evaluation

My purpose in writing the text is ..
To discuss how Mary Chopin uses irony effectively in the short story "The Story of an Hour"

I use this type of introduction: (ex. question)
Presentation of the author and publishing date of the short story. It may be a little dull.

This is a suggestion for improving the introduction or having a more effective one:
I could have used a literary device to introduce my subject. A question like: "Did you know Chopin was not only a classical composer?" would have been more interesting.

In paragraph 1, the thesis statement or the main idea of the text.is ...
This story depicts irony in an effective way.

This is a suggestion for improving the thesis statement or having a more effective one:
Showing examples of how irony is effective in the thesis statement could have been more dynamic.

The topic sentence in -
paragragh 2 is ... the fact that Mr. Mallard is technically dead and Mrs. Mallard is alive is ironic
paragragh 3 is ... Another example of irony is when Mrs. Mallard, the main character, is blooming with exaltation at the news of her husband’s death.

The supporting points (paraphrased) I use in -
paragragh 2 are ... the irony of thinking that Mr. Mallard is dead and Mrs. Mallard is alive when actually, it is the opposite that happens. Also, another supporting point is the irony illustrated by the symbol of the heart.
paragragh 3 are ...It is ironic for Mrs.Mallard to be happy when a loves-one dies. Also, this irony portrays the time period in which the story was written.

I can add more detail in -
paragragh 2 ... I could be clearer in the topic sentence. I could also add detail about the story, and add examples.
paragragh 3 ... I could be more clear with my supporting points.

The transitional words or phrases I use in -
paragragh 2 are ... First of all, because, also, in fact, since.
paragragh 3 are ... Since, because, which is, in conclusion.

The coordinating or subordinating expressions I use in -
paragragh 2 are ... And, and, and.
paragragh 3 are ... But, but.

Here is my suggestion for improving the conclusion
Making more links between the subjects I am talking about.

I could improve the content of the text by ...
Having clearer intentions in my text. For example, I could have a better thesis statement, and much better topic sentences.

I could improve the organization of the text by ...
Having supporting ideas that are more clear. Making more links between my ideas and my thesis.

I could improve the development of the text by ...
Using correct words in the right context, and using correct expressions.

I could improve the sentence style of the text by.. (give three sentences as examples)

I could improve the vocabulary by ... (give five examples)

I could improve the grammar by ... (give five examples)
arrives back home and sees his dead wife

I could improve the spelling by ... (give three-five examples)

What I liked most about my first text is...
I didn't make a lot of grammar, punctuation, vocabulary and spelling mistakes.

What I liked least about my first text is...
Now that I read it once again, I realize that it is not coherent at all. There is no clear thesis, so nothing is really clear.

1 comment:

  1. Very well done! Thoughtful at times, especially at the end.

    Avoid "the fact that"